Pistols, Periods, and Prayers
by BrokenBridges
Summary: Fem!America. Women change once a month, and she was no different.  The men better watch their backs.


AN: I don't own Hetalia. If I did, America would be a girl, because it's too damn funny, I would be married to China, and all hell would break loose in the most epic way possible. But none of that's happening...so yeah. Neither do I own Emerald, she's a friend's OC that I borrowed. Also, America may be a bit OOC, but aren't most women when Mother Nature comes around? ;D More also, I do not intend to insult anyone with the southern slang/accent. I'm from East Texas myself. We do in fact talk that bad. Enough rambling and what not...ON WITH THE SHOW! erm...STORY!

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The world meeting was about to begin, all they had to do was wait for America and Canada to arrive. They didn't have to wait long. Soon, Matthew rushed in, pale and terrified looking, screaming what sounded like "WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!"

"Mattieu, all you alright? Why are we going to die?" France asked with a raised brow.

The disturbed nation turned to his once-caretaker, eyes wide, and shakily said "I just saw Ally in the hall…her..um…GIFT…arrived this morning."

The room simultaneously went quiet. Arthur dove under the table, Italy burst into tears, and Canada continued to shake while he clutched Kumajiro for dear life. They understood the young man's fear now. America, also known as Allison F. Jones, or Ally, as she preferred, was down right evil when it came to her period. PMS and super strength meant someone was going to get hurt. Badly. Usually, the other nations scheduled their meetings around this, but some how, some one forgot to check the calendar. The other female nations found the whole thing hilarious. Mostly because America, who was sweet, smiling, and always happy, was the only one of them to experience the rage that came with "the curse." She wouldn't harm the other women of course, they knew her pain. They also knew to shut up.

They all wished that the young woman would just decide not to arrive, but it was a futile dream. She came in about five minutes after her brother, cerulean eyes blazing and fists clenched. It was obvious she was trying to control herself. Through gritted teeth and an strained smile she greeted them.

"Mornin' y'all."

A southern accent. She had a southern accent today. The men of the world knew what that meant; they where fucked. No, not even fucked, they where pray-to-your-personal-diety-that-she-doesn't-have-her-gun-with-her fucked. A thousand burgers couldn't save them when "Uncle Sam" was on America's person.

Canada carefully approached his sister, "G-g-good morning A-Ally…"

She simply growled and sat down "Whatever. Let's get this here shindig over with." She turned to glare at Ludwig, "What's first blondy?"

* * *

Thankfully, the lunch break came quickly. After some tender coaxing, England came out from under the table, Italy stopped crying, and everyone had all body parts intact. Something had to be done, or else things wouldn't stay that way. France, the poor bastard, was lucky to not have been thrown out the window when he tried to calm the raging America by hugging her. Ally had decided to go "shopping" during this time, so they where safe, for now.

After a while, Ivan approached his older sister, looking for help. He could count on her and there was no way he was going to talk to Belarus, even if she looked like a kitten compared to Ally at the moment, she was still the devil in his eyes.

"Katayusha, you know how to calm Miss America down, da?" His purple eyes all but begged for a positive answer.

"Da. But I will not tell you," Ukraine said. When he asked her why not, she only smiled said it was a secret.

Sighing in defeat, Ivan then went to tell his comrades the bad news. He suggested that England try his sister next.

"Ireland? But…." England looked at the floor. He and Emerald weren't exactly on the best terms right now.

Noticing the sad look on the former empire's face, Kiku's calm voice interjected. "Arthur-san, we know the situation with your sister is fragile, but don't you think you could put that aside long enough to ask her help? I'd really not like to experience Armageddon today." Various versions of "Please?" and "Do it for the world!" erupted from the gathered nations.

Nodding, the small blond man left them and walked over to a certain redhead. She was talking to the other female nations in a corner. When he stopped and cleared his throat, he was met by green eyes, freckles and a scowl. "What do you want bushy brow?"

"I…we, need your help. Is there anyway to keep Allison's homicidal tendencies at bay?"

The scowl turned upwards, and was replaced by a sly smile.

"I see. Yes, Iggy, there is a remedy. No, I won't tell you what it is."

Arthur, as well as the other nations (they had been eavesdropping), almost fell over; clearly near tears.

"So, there's no hope for us? Except to wait for a painful death?"

"Yes, that about sums it up," Hungary said. Belarus only laughed. Watching the men suffer was too much fun. This was karma for treating them as weaklings.

Suddenly, a scream and gunshots rang out. Ally was back, and some poor soul had gotten in her way. Everyone turned around to see a frantic Gilbert running and America right on his heels. Idiot. Had the rest of the world not been absolutely terrified, they would have most definitely brought out their camera phones and videoed the "awesomest nation ever" screaming like a littler girl and well near soiling his britches.

After watching the albino dive into the safety of the men's room, America took a deep breath, turned to face the gaping boys, and with a wry smile, cocked her beloved pistol.

"Any reason y'all are gapin' like fish outta water?"

With murmured apologies, the "fish" in question quickly pushed China forward. He was the oldest, maybe he could talk her down with some words of wisdom.

"N-no reason, aru. We where um…" before he could finish, a childish voice interrupted him. It was Sealand, poor, naïve, little Sealand.

"Miss Ally! Miss Ally!" He cried.

Upon hearing her name, the young woman turned around, momentarily forgetting about target practice. The other nations could only close their eyes and wait for the carnage.

"What is it shrimplet?" America managed to calmly ask. No one missed her fingers twitch around the handle, though. It was a good think she had a soft spot for the boy.

"I just the best candy EVER! Want some?"

For the first time that day, America smiled. And not that I'll-castrate-you-with-a-spoon kind of smile either. It was genuine.

"I'd love some, Peter. Thank you."

The micro-nation smiled back, and handed her a generous portion. After she had inhaled her sweet treat, Ally turned happily back around, only to find ever male nation had collapsed on the floor in utter shock, and the ladies crying with laughter. Canada was the only one that could muster up anything to say.

"Chocolate…all she needed….was chocolate…."

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AN part deux: THERE YOU GO! MY LONGEST FIC TO DATE! I hope you enjoyed my insanity. I'm rather proud of this one. I still hate it, but it's currently my fave that I've written. And as always, any and all reviews will get a plushie the form of whatever nation they please. :D


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